Have you recently had a baby? Congratulations! I’ve just had a baby too, well 5 months ago now and I can finally say I have started to get the hang of motherhood now and I honestly never thought I would ever be able to say that. Especially in the first 3 months. That was the hardest for me.
I attended one of my friends baby shower the other day and she had an “Advice Book” for guests to leave a piece of advice in their about motherhood. Considering I have just been in the baby bubble recently my mind went blank. It reminded me, really clearly, about the new mum wilderness and the wasteland of parenting advice I received.
As soon as you announce you are pregnant advice comes at you from all angles. Well it did at me. I got opinions left right and centre. I was judged on every decision I made.? Advice?came from anyone. An old lady in the doctors waiting room, a cashier at the supermarket, the midwife, my family and of course I became obsessed with anything baby/new mum related on the Internet, magazines? and apps. (I literally think I had every pregnancy app going.)
And the thing is, most of it is terrible. But when you are a first time mum it?s difficult to tell. You just want to be a sponge and absorb everything you are told so you can try to do a perfect job. What is the worst advice?you could give to new mums?
Here’s mine 😀
Sleep When the Baby Sleeps
How many people have been told this? I still get told this 5 months on :O . It’s like its everybody’s favourite piece of advice to give you. They put their hand on your arm and tilt their head whist saying it in a calm yet patronising tone. Well these people must not have had a baby in a very long time because it is not that easy. I tried. In reality when your baby naps that is the only time you get to do anything such as have a shower, eat, clean, you know, basic human needs. By the time you fall asleep for your own nap your baby will wake up again anyway. Literally no point.
The cleaning can wait
Erm no. No the cleaning can not wait. I refuse to live in a pig sty. It’s bad enough being horrendously tired with a million and one visitors to see the baby and your house being a tip. For me, a messy house made it look like a sign I was not coping. In my house if I didn’t do the cleaning then no one else was exactly going to do it so what are you suppose to do? leave the dirty pots to pile up in the sink and not wash any clothes that are covered in baby sick and you know what else?
Disclaimer: If you do have someone to do the cleaning for you then totally take up the offer and yes the cleaning can wait 🙂 Put your feet up and enjoy every moment.
Rod for your own back
I was told so many “don’ts” . I was told not to Co-sleep, not to give the baby a dummy, not to put Mole in her baby rocking chair…the list goes on. After a few weeks I ignored it all knowing the full consequences and I still do not regret any decision I have made. When it is 4am and you have been up a dozen times through the night and the only thing that will settle your baby is to sleep together I will do it. And who is anyone else to judge? No I am not making a rod for my own back by raising my baby exactly how I want thank you 🙂
Health Visitors advice
Well 99% of the advice I have received from Health Visitors has been a waste of time. I’m sure there are lovely health visitors out there but personally I am yet to come across one. Stupid questions like “Are you sleeping okay?” “Erm well no obviously I have just had a newborn baby”. “You must get some sleep” brilliant, great advice thank you. Or speaking to them about reflux and needing Mole to be sat upright was like waving a red flag at a bull. “Oh no you can’t keep a newborn upright, they have to be lay flat.”? You can’t have this or that etc you get? my point.
I use Google for everything. I would Google every single symptom Mole had, I’d Google “Why is my baby not sleeping?” or “What is this mark on her?” I would stay on Google for hours scanning every single page looking for the answer. If you are doing this at 3am and you are on page 17 of Google search results I think you should stop.
Cry it out
After trying this piece fo advice I do not know who was left more traumatised me or Mole. This advice has been great for other parents I believe but not so great for me. Mole cries if she needs something or she is genuinely upset about something and leaving her to cry made matters worse. I don’t want to see my baby upset or hear her cry. I’d rather just see to her problem and then get on with making her feel better.
So there you have it. My bad parenting advice! Comment below what bad parenting advice you received!
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