Tag: aesthetic

Identity Crisis

I knew I wanted to write a blog post to connect with you but, I was not quite sure exactly what I wanted to write about. So, here we are…

I knew I wanted to write a blog post to connect with you but, I was not quite sure exactly what I wanted to write about.

So, here we are and I fancy having a general chit chat.

Let’s talk

The other week, unintentionally, I took a short break from consistently uploading and sharing my life to Instagram. You probably would not have noticed because it really was a short break but for me it felt like a life time. My content is usually planned and organised. It was the first time I had literally nothing to post and also did not feel the need to post.

When I first started

I started sharing my motherhood journey three years ago. Motherhood did not come easy to me and my support system was non-existent. Writing and sharing was fulfilling. In fact, I started this blog before my instagram, to write about reflux struggles and share reviews on baby products. Connecting with new mums and gaining an insight into how to parent and seeing the reality in other homes was comforting.

Over time, my need to rely on social media to share my motherhood journey has not been the same. Sometimes, I get a feeling where I don’t even want to share my children online at all. I’m more conscious of how often I am on my phone or recording my children. Imagine if their memories of me are seeing me with my phone constantly in my hand.

Identity crisis

During and after pregnancy, I seem to go through a phase where I loose my identity. While I know this is normal because priorities change so hobbies are put on hold and your physical appearance changes so clothes don’t look the same anymore, my point is, I have found that I relay on social media to be my comfort blanket again. I turned to fashion bloggers.

Without realising I became influenced to become a person that was not me.

My aesthetic has always varied. One day I would be wearing white doc martens, leather pants and one of my dads Led Zeppelin t-shirts in the hope I would look like Jared Leto and the next day I’d be sporting an outfit with florals and a Louis bag.

With Instagram, I sometimes feel you have to have one aesthetic. So overtime, part of my creativity and ways to express myself was limited. The hundreds of fashion bloggers posting about the exact same outfits with the same colour scheme overwhelmed me and made me feel like anything but that style was not ok. This is not a criticism of the bloggers to be clear, more to myself for feeling like I had to follow due to their current popularity and not allowing myself to like any other style.

The time off opened my eyes. I did not have to wake up and feel if I was insta ready. I could wear my Pokemon t-shirt one day and the next a boho dress.

Not too sure where this conversation is going now, If you are feeling suppressed as you, take a moment to remember yourself. What do you like? What values do you have?

I’ll go first:

Introducing myself

Hi i’m Zoe,

I’m obsessed with the band 30 Seconds To Mars, so much so, I went to see them at a concert on my own and I had the best time of my life. My taste in music varies. One day I will have Placebo on repeat and the next Taylor Swift.

My passion is computers. My aim is to not let any student feel like they are struggling with Computer Science, if that means replying to messages and tutoring them through their homework at 11pm so be it.

Family is incredibly important to me. The promise I made to myself is to give my children the complete opposite upbringing to what I went through and so far, I feel like the positive relationship established with them are making that promise feel daft to have been made in the first place.

A goal I am continuing to work towards is to live sustainably. By no means am I perfect now, but the knowledge I have gained and put into practice so far is a step in the right direction. It has been fun to take you on this journey with me and that is something I want to continue to share with you.

And finally as for aesthetic…

I love everything and a promise to myself is to not put myself in one box. Can it be a thing to not just have one aesthetic please?

 

I love you all, thank you to listening to me ramble

 

Zoe

xx

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